My Illustratead Pitch For Jurassic World 2: Jurassic Planet

And that's everything you need to know.

All in one tight illustration. That's the magic of the medium- efficiency in storytelling. But just to fill in a few blanks if you're not that clever:

  • We're replacing Chris Pratt's character with Star-Lord (but, obviously, keeping him in the role). We might retcon in a little backstory that says it was Star-Lord under cover the whole time, or maybe we'll do a little meet-cute ("What a handsome guy!") before his old character gets eaten by a dinosaur. Or maybe we just won't even mention it. Movie opens with "Starring Chris Pratt as Star-Lord", audience goes banana's, moving on. I'm not even sure what his old character was. Maybe a Navy SEAL or a veterinarian or something. But I know exactly what Star-Lord is. He's a fucking space pirate, and he's the new lead of Jurassic Planet.

  • I am going to play Star-Lord's best friend. I am a retired Olympic archer/secret agent who breeds genetically modified French Bulldogs. The Frenchies are the size of horses and they let me ride around on their backs. They can talk and they cuss all the time.

  • Spike is mostly comic relief but his death scene will require some real acting chops. I'm thinking of Jonah Hill in motion-capture for the role.

And the rest is right there in the pitch. I-Rex upgraded to iRex... loose on Mars... light saber tail... third act showdown with the fate of the world and justice for Spike on the line. Hoping to film it on location on Mars. Going to need Richard Branson or Elon Musk to come in on this, and I think they'll be excited for the opportunity. Potential bidding war scenario. 

This movie is guaranteed to win the Oscar for Biggest Dick.